Melvin Smarty

　　Somewhere in Reno, Nevada, handsome low-life Ricky Hershey lies in bed puffing a joint. His reverie is interrupted by a gang of mask-wearing thugs who burst in. They warn him off his affair with Sylvia Whimper. Sylvia, you see, is engaged to Sebastian Stempel-Garamond, a rising executive. Her rich bully-boy father, Harry Whimper, regards the union as a corporate merger and nothings going to stop him staging the biggest, gaudiest wedding in history.
　　Harry and Rickys mutual dislike is amplified by a historical feud. Pops, Rickys father, may now be a wheelchair-bound religious nut, but he was once involved in some shady activity with Harry. The way Ricky sees it, Pops was ruined by time spent in prison, which he served as Harrys fall guy. This makes him all the more determined to run off with Harrys pride and joy his darling daughter.

　　Too close to her forced marriage, Sylvia knows she really loves Ricky. But she is has been unable to hurt Sebastian or her father. So this impossibly gorgeous young woman strings both along. Tortured Ricky confides his woes in best friend Kilcline who, in turn, reveals the complexities of his on-off relationship with June, a hard-nosed career girl.
　　Kilcline, a businessman himself, has influence with the Whimpers and may be able to act as an intermediary. But when he hears of Ricky and Sylvias plan to elope to Las Vegas, he finds that his interest runs too deep.
　　Will Ricky and Sylvia successfully elope? Will Harry eliminate Ricky once and for all? Via a hit man, buried money, existentialist philosophy, a porn star, a UFO and a car chase, things come to an unusual conclusion all chorused by radio talkshow host Melvin Smarty, whose outrageous on-air ramblings punctuate proceedings.